A psychologist and psychiatrist, Dr. Adeoye Oyewole, has raised concerns about the mental health challenges faced by married men in Nigeria which he attributes partly to lack of support from their spouses.
The psychiatrist at the Ladoke Akintola University of Technology (LAUTECH), Ogbomoso, who spoke to ThePoint said many men are left to shoulder family responsibilities alone.
“Many married men are depressed and passively committing su!cide because their wives don’t show sufficient support in fending for the family,” the mental health advocate said.
He explained that the burdens placed on men by societal and family expectations have led to silent suffering, with many men unable to express their struggles.
“Feminism has created an imbalance where men have been pushed to the background. We all know that men are not as expressive as women, and this has added to placing huge burdens on men, taking a toll on society,” he said.
“True feminism makes you happily married and not to attack the man. Some women pushed the narrative of feminism to toxicity, which has now crushed the boy child.
“The lack of intervention of fathers in their sons’ lives is breeding boys who are irresponsible, hooked on drugs, and unable to give leadership. This toxic feminism, whereby women poison the minds of their children against their fathers, is very alarming. The way forward is partnership and synergy rather than combativeness
“When you see a woman who is combative, take a history of how she was raised by her father and mother. I was teasing my son and telling him to show me his girlfriend. He has been hiding her away from me, and I want to meet her to understand the relationship between her mother and her father.
“The way her mother relates to her father will reflect in how she relates to my son, no matter how religious she is. It is psychodynamics. Some of us may be lucky to allow religion to identify centres in our lives that are toxic, help us recognise them, and then make amends. Nobody is entirely free of these influences.”
Dr. Oyewole also highlighted the financial pressures on men, saying that “it is a wrong narrative to say that men’s money belongs to all of us while women’s money belongs to only women.
“If I am earning the same salary as my wife and I am expected to cater for everything while she keeps hers, why is she keeping it? Most men don’t even know how much their wives are earning.
“Because of the stupidity of our patriarchal mindset, we want to come out as omnipotent, parading the sense of ‘I am capable of running the show.’
“This is making a lot of men under pressure. They think of how to service the car, pay the electricity bill, and cater for the family while the woman keeps making demands.
“Men are under pressure, and even when they are down, their wives’ and children’s well-being still occupy their minds. Statistics show that a lot of men experience depression but hide it.
“They mask their depression and use alcohol to suppress it. Even when doctors say alcohol is killing them, they keep taking it because they think it helps them cope. The rate at which men are developing hypertension from life challenges is alarming.
“Many suffer from heart and liver problems and dismiss it with the excuse, ‘something must kill a man.’
“Of late, women put the pressure of relocating abroad on men. A lot of men are lonely in Nigeria while their wives and children are abroad.
“Men are under a lot of pressure, and it is reflective of the mental indices we are seeing. The rate of suicide is increasing among men, and what is now prevalent is passive suicide, where men neglect their health, don’t rest, don’t take their drugs, and don’t follow medical advice.“Give up your ego doesn’t mean commit suicide. People need to take their mental health seriously.
“Men, especially in mid-life, should go for therapy. Men need to have time for themselves. Wives should assist in giving their husbands therapy and ensure they don’t become too stressed,” he concluded.